Planning an Apology to a Customer from the People's Republic of China

How should I address my apology letter to Haiwang Guo, Director of Operations for China Air?

    I want to know how to properly open my letter, specifically whether I should address it to Haiwang Guo as an individual, or to him as a representative of China Air. In asking this question, I will be taking into account the Chinese culture's focus on either individuals or groups, and also its distance between ranks. I want to know if a Director of Operations for an airport is an important enough person to require a special salutation, and if so, which one to use.

How formal should my writing be?

    Determining the level of formality that I should use should prevent me from offending Haiwang Guo, something I want to avoid, since my company has already disappointed him, and his company does a lot of business with mine. I am considering the Chinese culture's distance between ranks with this question – since I am an employee at another company, I wonder if I should I write to him very formally, like he is my boss, or more casually, like he is an equal or friend.

Should I focus only on the apology, or touch on other topics as well?

    I have read that in letters to Japanese businesspeople it is customary to first have a paragraph about something unrelated to the letter's purpose, so I am wondering if there is a similar custom in the People's Republic of China. I want to know if I should wish Haiwang Guo's family good health and fortune before I start my apology, or whether that would be offensive. I need to find out about the distance between personal and professional lives of Chinese businessmen so my apology can be as effective as possible.

Should I offer an explanation of what went wrong with shipping the translated documentation?

    I want to know if I should just acknowledge that a mistake has been made and that my company regrets it, or if I should explain what went wrong with the translation of the documentation. If I should explain, I want to know what level of detail I should use, and whether it would be better to assign blame to my company, to a part of my company, or not at all. Here, I am taking into account the Chinese culture's “nature of truth,” attitudes toward uncertainty, and need to spell out details. I want to find out if it is enough to say that the translation department experienced problems, leading to the delay of the delivery of the manuals, or if I should find out and explain what problems the translation department had.

Would it be more important to apologize to Haiwang Guo, or to China Air?

    I know that Haiwang Guo was embarrassed by having to delay his ceremony, but I want to establish how the People's Republic of China focuses on individuals versus groups. I should know if  Haiwang Guo would consider himself an important enough person to warrant apologizing to him directly, or does if  he consider himself just as a representative of China Air.

How should I close the letter?

    I want to know what format is customary for closing letters in the People's Republic of China. Specifically, I want to know what format to use – whether I should end with a summary paragraph or just a short closing phrase, and how I should sign and date the letter.

Lucent Technologies

MEMORANDUM

To:         Andrew Dugan, Supervisor. Corporate Communications Department

From:     Bo Bayles, Corporate Communications Department

Date:         7 June, 2005

Subject:     Privacy Statement Revisions

I studied our company web site's Privacy Statement (http://www.lucent.com/privacy.html) as we discussed. Some parts of it are effective and persuasive already, but other parts can use some improvements. Below is my analysis for each section.

Introduction:

This introduction is not very persuasive in regard to Lucent's commitment to customer privacy. It says that there are benefits to Lucent's collection of personal information, but they seem to be benefits for Lucent, not for our customers and clients. We aren't addressing our readers' goals for security – it sounds like we expect them to concede their personal rights to help out our e-commerce department. The first sentence makes the claim that Lucent has been committed to privacy, but the “However” in the second sentence makes it sound like we have changed our minds on the issue. We should present our claim – the necessity of collecting some personal information – after an explanation of benefits to the consumer, such as the customization features of our web site.

The Collection of Personal Information:

This section is better than the introduction. It first details what information will be collected from our customers, then explains what the customer gets from providing their information. It also assures readers that may be skeptical that they can opt out of divulging their personal information. This is good because it addresses our readers' goals for security, and does not make a claim about which some readers may be suspicious without supporting evidence. The last part of this section might be improved by simplification. Rather than saying that most of the web site is available without personal data, and then saying that some parts might not be, we could say something like “Some optional customization features of our site require personal information to function.”

This section could be strengthened by being more specific about what information Lucent collects. This information could be presented as a graphic that lists what Lucent collects and does not collect. Being open about what personal data is collected will reassure suspicious readers, and a graphic can make the information more accessible.

Collecting Domain Information:

Improvements can definitely be made to this section. Right now it says that Lucent collects “domain information,” then explains how this data benefits Lucent, and then says that users have no choice in providing this information. This isn't very reassuring to readers.

First, we are assuming our audience of readers knows what “domain information” is, but not everyone is familiar with that technical term. We should explain at least a little more – we don't need to offer a course on how the Internet works, but should list some of what “domain information” includes. This list could be presented as a graphic placed alongside the Privacy Statement text.

Second, the listing of Lucent's benefits from collecting domain data might not be appealing to readers . We should note that the data Lucent collects helps improve the web site for users, not just that it improves Lucent's “web-based offerings.”

Third, we should explain why the collection of this data is automatic, perhaps in the explanation of “domain information.” If readers know that their I.P. Address and web browser software identification are being collected because they must be for any site to work, they might not be as suspicious of automatically collected data.

Disclosure to Third Parties:

This section does a good job of selling our policy. It explains that readers benefit by getting offers for goods and services from Lucent “BusinessPartners,” improving their “competitive edge,” appealing to the reader's goals for growing personally and professionally. It also explains how uninterested readers can stop receiving unwanted offers from BusinessPartners, addressing skeptical readers' viewpoints.

Personally, I think we should offer a way to opt out of having personal information disclosed to third parties, but that may be a policy for the company administration to implement, not one for the Communications department. If Lucent did offer such an option, we could make our Privacy Statement more effective by giving still-suspicious readers more evidence that we are committed to the “right of individuals to prevent use of their personal information.”

I also think this section could be strengthened by detailing how we protect the information that is not disclosed to third parties. Right now the section says we share some user information “with the exception of account, credit card, and ordering information.” We would appeal more to readers' goals for security by saying that this data is kept in a separate database than the one provided to BusinessPartners.

Use of Cookies

The short explanation of what “cookies” are is a good model for improving “domain information” in the above section. This section supports the claim that we are committed to respecting privacy, since we make it clear that cookies have limited use. We could improve the section by more clearly stating the benefits of enabling cookies to users. For example, we could say “These files allow you to use some of our web site's customization features on multiple visits to the site, and store registration data so that it doesn't need to be entered more than once.”

Conclusions

I recommend that the Lucent Privacy Statement be revised as above, with an added emphasis on the benefits of Lucent's data collection to customers and clients. This will strengthen the Privacy Statement's claim that “the collection of personal information is often necessary and desirable.” I recommend explaining in detail what personal information is collected, and also recommend explaining what “domain information” is for non-technical readers. There should also be an explanation of how personal information is protected, in order to address concerns from suspicious readers. These changes will help make the Privacy Statement more effective. Please let me know if you need further advice.