(Extra Case Study 12b)

Nuclear Regulatory Commission
Division of Risk Analysis and Application
Memorandum

To:         Thomas L. King, Director
From:     Bo Bayles
Date:         4 June, 2005
Subject:     Improving Annual Report Front Matter

As requested, I studied the “Occupational Radiation Exposure at Commercial Nuclear Power Reactors and Other Facilities” NRC report our division published in 2001 to see how its front matter conforms to style guidelines and can be improved. I used Technical Communication 7th Edition by Mike Markel and Handbook of Technical Writing by Alred, Brusaw, and Oliu for guidelines. My analysis is below.

Abstract

Because a report's abstract's purpose is to help potential readers decide whether to read a full report, it is supposed to be a short, technical summary of the report. It should include information on the report's purpose, scope, research methods, and major conclusions. The abstract in the 2001 report I studied does a good job of explaining this information, but some improvements can be made.

Both references I used indicate that a typical abstract should be no longer than 250 words. The abstract in the 2001 report is over 1.5 times that length at 378 words (excluding footnotes). Although conveying the report's information is more important than following a standard for length, the 2001 report's abstract can be shortened and still accomplish its goal:

• The description of the report's research methods is, perhaps, too detailed. The first paragraph of the abstract explains from where the report's information came, how it was analyzed, and a note on its limitations. The next paragraph presents very detailed numerical data on the research methods. This numerical data is better suited to the main body of the report; it does not help a  reader determine whether to read the report. I would move it to the introduction section in the main report.
• The last part of the second paragraph gives two definitions in two different ways. The first term, “measurable dose” is given a footnote. The second term, “average measurable dose” is defined in the paragraph. Both of these definitions are probably unnecessary – abstracts are aimed at technical readers who likely already know the terminology of the report's subject. Putting one definition in a footnote and one in the paragraph is inconsistent.

The references I used suggest that if a report contains a long list of topics or recommendations, its abstract should merely reference the fact that there are several, not list them. The 2001 report I studied, however, lists the seven categories of licensees discussed in the report in a footnote. I think that this data is relevant enough to potential readers to justify listing the seven categories in the abstract. However, I think it should be in the main part of the abstract, not in a footnote, to make it more accessible.

The 2001 report's abstract does a good job of concisely including major conclusions from the report. The results from data analysis are presented, and the change from the previous year is included. A reader wanting to know the reasons for these changes could read the full report, and a reader who only wanted to know major findings can find it easily.

Table of Contents

A report's table of contents is an important tool for helping readers find information. The Table of Contents in the 2001 report I studied does a good job of listing where to find everything. There is a good breakdown of the subjects in the report, and each subsection in the report is listed with its page number. Each subsection's heading is accurately reproduced in the table of contents, so it is easy to find every part of the report.

One improvement that can be made is styling headings in the Table of Contents the same way they are in the report. Second level headings in the report are in capital letters, but in mixed case in the table of contents. Third level headings in the report are in underlined italics text, but are not in the table of contents. Synchronizing headings and their listings in the table of contents helps a reader find information quickly.

The guidelines I used indicate that a report's table of contents should not list “Table of Contents,” but the 2001 report does. It does seem unnecessary; a reader does not need to look up the page for the table of contents.

The 2001 report follows convention and the guidelines I studied by numbering the front matter pages with lower-case Roman numerals centered at the bottom of each page. It differs from other reports and the guidelines with the pagination of its body, however. Instead of Arabic numerals in the upper outside corners, it uses the format “Section number – Page of section” centered at the bottom of each page.

The placement of page numbers might make the report less accessible by forcing readers to open it most of the way up when looking for a specific page. If the numbers were on the top outside corners, readers could flip through quickly and still be able to see page numbers.

The paging format used in the 2001 report is useful, however. Since the full report is 164 pages, and sections are up to 34 pages, knowing a certain piece of information is in a certain section on a certain page is more useful than just a number. Shorter reports might not benefit from such a format, but I think it is a strength for the 2001 report.

Lists of Figures and Tables

Many readers of a report might need access to data presented in figures and tables within the report. Listing every figure and table is a good way to help readers find the information they need.

The 2001 report I studied lists all the figures (graphs, charts, and illustrations) in order of appearance. Each figure is numbered starting with the section in which it appears, followed by what number figure it is in that section. The figure's title is given, and then the page on which it appears. This is a good way of making graphical data accessible to readers – they will know exactly what section, page, and label they need to find a certain figure.

There is a similar list for tables in the 2001 report. Like the figures list, it meets guidelines and is a very useful tool for readers.

Preface and Foreword

The references I used have guidelines for neither Preface nor Forward sections of a report. The 2001 report I studied has both. Its Preface is a  statement on how the data presented in the report is used by the NRC, and its Foreword details the sources of the report's information. I think the content of both sections would be more accessible with different placement in the report.

The Preface does not include data on information that was studied for the report, but explains an issue related to the report. Its first sentence says “A number of NRC licensees have inquired as to how the occupational radiation exposure data that are compiled from the individual exposure reports... are used by the NRC staff.” It would be better to move this section into the report's Introduction section (or an appendix) with its own heading. That way, an NRC licensee wondering how the report's data is used could look in the Table of Contents and see “How Radiation Exposure Data Are Used,” not just “Preface.”

The Foreword says that the data was collected from 272 NRC licensees and that total exposure levels were at 14,476 person-rem, numbers that are only mentioned in figures or tables later in the report. Because this data might be relevant to a reader, I think it should go in the main body of the report, in a labeled subsection in the Introduction. This way, a descriptive heading would appear in the Table of Contents, not just a generic section title.

Conclusions

The front matter of a report should support the report's body by making its information more accessible to readers. By ensuring that each section in the front matter fulfills its purpose, we can make our information in our reports much easier to find. The front matter of future reports can be improved by making some minor adjustments on data placement and styling as above.

(Extra Case Study 9a)

Intranets

An “intranet” is a collection of connected computers within an organization. This collection forms a network internal to the organization, and can be used for a number of purposes:

• Communication – intranet users can use tools like e-mail, electronic message boards, and even computer-based phone or video conferencing to communicate with other members of the organization.
• Information access – like the Internet's World Wide Web, intranets can provide access to pages made by the organization's users, which can contain information relevant or useful to the organizations members.
• Collaboration – Intranets provide a way for an organization's users to collaborate on projects.

How are intranets like the Internet? Intranets and the Internet have very similar applications – both allow for the display of personal pages and the exchange of e-mail, for example. Intranets often use the same networking “protocols,” or standards for data transmission as the Internet. Both intranets and the Internet can make use of the “TCP/IP” protocol, which governs how computers in the network communicate; the “HTTP” protocol, which governs how pages on the network are transferred; the “IMAP” protocol, which governs e-mail transmission; and many others. For this reason, an intranet can be thought of as a small, private version of the Internet.

How are intranets different from the Internet? The key difference is the level of access to the network. Intranets connect computers within an organization, hence the prefix “intra.” The Internet connects groups of computers and networks, hence the prefix “inter.” Intranets generally restrict their access by not being physically connected to computers outside their organization or by using a type of software called a “firewall.” A firewall limits access to a computer or network, allowing only authorized users. A company might use its intranet to give employees access to data on its clients and projects, so it would want to prevent outside users from accessing this information. Many colleges have intranets that allow students to access course notes and information from campus computers, but don't allow non-students to access that information.

How are intranets used? Intranets are most often used within companies to give employees access to tools that help increase productivity. These tools are software applications that can be accessed from the intranet. Some examples of intranet software are:

• Groupware - Intranets often employ “groupware,” software that allows a group of individuals to do collaborative work. For example, a company intranet could have software that allows several employees to access a report, and then each employee can then contribute to the report. The software could have a function that allows each individual to leave notes to its other users about the changes made to the document, and a manager could post a to-do list on it, explaining what needs to be added. An editor could go through and highlight changes that need to be made, and leave a message about needed additions or omissions. The software could also keep track of different versions of the document, and note who made what changes to it and when. Some groupware software has calendar exchange functions, so employees can schedule meetings or appointments with each other or their bosses by comparing each other's calendars to see when they both have time.
• Webs – Like the Internet's “World Wide Web,” an intranet can host a web. A web is simply a collection of interlinked documents (called “sites” or “pages”) stored on computers withing a network. Many corporations have “corporate webs,” that function much like world wide web sites, but are only available to employees. These corporate webs can have search engines that allow employees to find certain pages on the web. Many colleges also have internal webs that allow students to put up personal web sites, store files like photographs, and announce meetings.
• E-mail – Much like the Internet's e-mail, intranet e-mail systems allow users to send each other messages and attach files like documents or photographs. Company e-mail systems are used to keep communication within the company – sensitive information is less vulnerable to hackers if it can only be accessed from within the company. Internal e-mail systems are also useful because they don't have to deal with outside influences – they are free from “spam” e-mail, can allow users to store more in their e-mail accounts, and don't have limits to the size of e-mail attachments. Many companies use intranet e-mail systems to distribute internal memos.
• Electronic Bulletin Boards – An intranet can host a virtual bulletin board with announcements. For example, a school could use its intranet bulletin board to post what's being served for lunch and what activities are scheduled on a certain day.
• Instant Messaging – Communication within an organization is important to companies especially. Instant messaging allows users on an intranet to send text messages back and forth in real time. There are, of course, Internet versions of instant messaging, but many companies use internal systems to keep employees talking to each other and working, not chatting with friends outside.
• File transfer and sharing – Intranets can provide a medium of exchange for any type of computer file. Because intranets are often small networks and don't have to deal with outside traffic, the transfer rate is much faster than over the Internet – sometimes several hundred times faster. Many colleges have private file sharing networks on their intranets used to trade music and movie files. Company employees can use intranets to share large presentations, documents, and other files. Using their own network, they can keep company information safe.

Usage of intranets has become widespread, since intranets can make use of much of the same technology as the Internet. These very useful networks connect members of an organization and allow them to work together even if they're physically far apart. Many corporate intranets connect branches of companies that are located in different countries or on different continents. Sometimes two related companies connect their intranets to form an “extranet.”

Sources

The Internet Journal. 5 June, 2005. <http://www.intranetjournal.com/>

“Intranet.” Wikipedia, the free Encyclopedia. 5 June, 2005. <http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Intranet>

(Extra Case Study 6a)

Greenlawn
Customer Service Department
Memorandum

To:         Helen Lewis
From:     Bo Bayles
Date:         4 June, 2005
Subject:     Improving Responses to Concerned Customers

As requested, I studied a letter that is to be sent to a customer who is concerned about the effects of one of our chemical lawn sprays. My analysis and recommendations for improvement are below.

Summary

Mrs. Gwen Smith, a Greenlawn customer, wrote to our Customer Service Department with a question about the safety of our chemical lawn treatments. In her letter, she expresses concern for the safety of her two young children because she read an article about people who have died suddenly after exposure to lawn treatment chemicals. This article noted that a small number of individuals have a vulnerability to such chemicals. You drafted a response to address her concerns.

Discussion

The response letter begins by thanking Mrs. Smith for inquiring about Greenlawn's products, establishing a professional and cooperative tone, an important element of presenting a persuasive argument.

The first paragraph of the response notes that the materials Greenlawn uses on its customers' yards have been researched by the Environmental Protection Agency. Without supporting evidence, this would be an “appeal to authority” logical fallacy, but the paragraph goes on to detail the conclusions of “scientific tests” of the materials. This is a good persuasion technique – presenting Mrs. Smith with evidence from studies before claiming that Greenlawn's products are safe is a good idea – however, telling her where she can find these studies for herself would be better.

The next paragraph also calls on expert testimony to support the claim that Greenlawn's products are safe. This time, the source is given, which makes it very effective. The example from the cited research will appeal to Mrs. Smith's need for security by explaining that it's very difficult for living things to ingest a toxic amount of lawn chemicals.

The third paragraph contains a logical fallacy – it implies that since home and garden stores sell a large number of products with the same chemicals as Greenlawn's, these chemicals are safe. This is an “ad populum” fallacy – a number of companies using the same chemicals doesn't make the chemicals safe. The next part of the third paragraph is more effectively persuasive, however. It notes that Greenlawn's products contain a smaller concentration of the chemicals about which Mrs. Smith is concerned than other products do. It invites her to check the labels on these products herself, which is persuasive. She is more likely to believe research she does herself than she is to believe something that we tell her.

The last paragraph makes the claim that Greenlawn's products are safe to use based on the previous evidence, and invites Mrs. Smith to contact you again if she has questions. This is a good demonstration of trustworthiness as is the inclusion of more safety materials. These elements also help sustain the professional tone of the response.

There is a serious omission in the response letter, however. Mrs. Smith is concerned about her children's safety because she read an article about how some vulnerable individuals can die from exposure to lawn chemicals. The response letter does not even mention this issue. A more persuasive response would address the article and answer questions about it – was it factual, well-researched, and applicable to Greenlawn's chemicals? If so, how many individuals have vulnerabilities to lawn chemicals? If Greenlawn has had customers react to lawn chemicals in the past, the response should note how Greenlawn responded.

Conclusions

The response letter to Mrs. Smith has a number of effectively persuasive elements – citation of research, examples to ease her concerns, and inclusion of supporting data. However, it does not address the viewpoint that Greenlawn's products may not be safe; ignoring the article that prompted Mrs. Smith to write to us is neither professional nor persuasive. I recommend adding a paragraph that answers the questions above about the article Mrs. Smith read.